Change is hard. Everyone knows that. So we grit our teeth, move forward with determination toward our New Year’s goals, and strive to win. Of course, we know that many will fall apart and that the yoga studio that was full on January 2nd will be Zen-like in February. But if we are determined enough, hopefully we can overcome the obstacles and move forward with courage. What if the key to success were not to try hard, but to not try at all? Things that go wrong. As Milyavskaya and Inzlicht write, “The path to better self-control is not self-control, but the elimination of temptations in our environment.”
The key is to realize that control is not a problem for the individual.
It’s an all-or-nothing situation. We can create small, manageable amounts of positive behaviors and, over time, increase our confidence in our ability to continue that behavior. I call this method “the loop.” First, find a rule that will get you closer to your self-control goal, but is simple enough that you can be sure you can stick to it. Then, each day, write down whether or not you’ve completed the task. That’s it. Don’t worry about solving the big problems; if it gets too difficult, the rules will be relaxed to make it easier. The Loop will also become second nature to you and you can take it to a more challenging level.
I’ve done many of these over the years and have now completed six loops.
One of the best things about it is that once you learn how it works, you can easily use the process for other purposes. Here are a few examples. I started wondering if there was a way to learn a foreign language without any effort. Website. Set yourself a quota, and if you don’t meet it, you’ll get a bad rap in the news. Duolingo is more like a movie than an assignment, and I haven’t missed a day in three years. I’ve just finished my German course, I’m finishing my French course, and I’m just starting to learn Russian. Then in my 20s, I noticed my belly was starting to get big. My first exercise was five minutes of intense work on the rowing machine. I found myself counting down the minutes, waiting for the challenge to be over, but feeling like I had accomplished nothing.
Then I had a better idea: jump slowly.
My goal was to find a low volume so my muscles wouldn’t hurt. When I first got out, I ran 15 minutes from home and 15 minutes back. The amazing thing is that it’s not at all inconvenient. I started out once a week, then twice a week. Soon I was running five miles three or four times a week. That was 20 years ago. Running for an hour is no longer a challenge; it’s part of life’s pleasures, like taking a shower or brushing your teeth.
Changing your eating habits is very difficult.
When you’re hungry, food is right there in front of you and easy to get to your mouth. The goal of the project is to make potato chips. I found it hard to stop when I opened a bag of Ruffles or Kettle chips. I’ll stand at the kitchen sink, stuff a handful of the skins in my mouth, and say, “Wow…” So my rule is to eat only Lays chips, the so-called chips that are 90% happy to be created. They’re low in calories and salt, but for me, the important thing is not to overdo it. But while the scale of the crisis is new, the challenges are not. When Victor Hugo was on the last day of completing The Hunchback of Notre Dame, he took off his clothes and locked them up so he wouldn’t be tempted to go out.
The cycle of spaces is less interrupted:
When I want to finish a paper, I turn off the internet and miss a deadline. When I went into initiation I couldn’t do anything for two hours except write, examine my nails, look out the window, or lean my head on the desk. Eventually the depression would drive me to pound the keyboard, pound the keyboard. It’s a process, but I’m getting better at it every day. Before long, before I knew it, I’d taken at least two hours off. They work for me, but they might not work for others. The important thing is to choose a goal, find a rule that seems simple enough, and then apply it. If it doesn’t work, change. Stay in power but be gentle with yourself. If you try too hard, you’ll make mistakes.
