Have you ever contemplated how to engage in more intimate prayer with your spouse? Do you desire a deeper spiritual connection with your partner? Couples can derive significant insights from the structure of the Mass regarding how to pray together as husband and wife while simultaneously enhancing their intimacy. The Mass serves as the quintessential prayer between Christ and His Bride, the Church. Spouses seeking to cultivate a shared prayer life may begin by emulating the fundamental structure of the Mass. This guide will first examine how the People of God—the Church—pray during Mass, followed by an exploration of four straightforward steps for praying with your spouse.
Structure of the Mass
The Mass is composed of four distinct parts: the Introductory Rite, the Liturgy of the Word, the Liturgy of the Eucharist, and the Concluding Rite. During the Introductory Rite, the congregation gathers, makes the Sign of the Cross, and seeks God’s forgiveness, thereby preparing their hearts for a deeper union with Him. The subsequent Liturgy of the Word involves active listening to scriptural readings, akin to a dialogue between Christ and the Church. In this segment, Christ communicates with us through the readings, while we respond with heartfelt psalms. The Liturgy of the Eucharist follows, wherein Christ and the Church exchange their love. Through the transformation of bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, Jesus becomes substantially present to us, allowing us to receive Him and reciprocate our love, thereby deepening our intimate union. Finally, the Concluding Rite serves as a reminder to depart in peace, glorifying the Lord through our lives.
Four Simple Steps
Engaging in prayer with one’s spouse by adhering to the structure of the Mass can be both simple and enriching. Below is a four-step process to facilitate this practice.
Step One: Reconcile and Rejoice
Begin by setting aside time each week for just the two of you. Choose a comfortable setting or hold hands during a walk. Make the Sign of the Cross and take a moment to focus on being present with one another and with God, as is customary at the start of the Mass. Initiate the process by reconciling; discuss any grievances or hurts experienced during the week, and extend apologies and forgiveness. This practice will enable you to approach God with open hearts and foster unity in your prayer. Following reconciliation, express joy by offering a brief prayer of thanksgiving to God.
Step Two: Discover God Together
The second step mirrors the Liturgy of the Word. After reconciling and rejoicing, dedicate time to discovering God together. This can be accomplished in various ways, such as reading the Bible and discussing the selected passage. If you are uncertain where to begin, consider reading the Gospel passage designated for the upcoming Sunday Mass, which can be found in the USCCB’s Daily Readings.
Alternatively, you may choose to read the Psalms, often referred to as the “book of prayer.” The Psalms articulate a range of human emotions, including sorrow, joy, fear, hope, longing for God, and praise. By reviewing the titles of each Psalm, you and your spouse can easily identify one that resonates with your current experiences. Read it aloud slowly, then engage in a discussion about the emotions it evokes or the thoughts it inspires.
Another approach to discovering God together involves sharing what is on your hearts and minds. Consider questions such as: What are you grateful for this week? What challenges are emerging in your lives? What do you require from one another and from God? Respond to these inquiries candidly and subsequently offer prayers of petition to God, remembering to express gratitude as you witness His faithful responses to your prayers.
Step Three: Share Your Love
The third step corresponds to the Liturgy of the Eucharist. After discovering God together, you can enhance your prayer and intimacy by sharing your love with one another. This expression of love within the context of prayer may include gestures such as a kiss, resting in each other’s arms, caring for a spouse in ill health, offering words of affirmation, or any other meaningful form of communication. Maintain a spirit of gratitude as your intimacy deepens in the presence of God.
Step Four: Serve Each Other
As your time together concludes, remember to depart in peace and to serve the Lord through one another. The essence of prayer and intimacy is ongoing. Allow your service and connection to manifest in your daily activities, such as cooking, cleaning, listening, and working. The fruits of your prayer routine will bless your marriage, strengthen your love for God and each other, and enable you to reflect the loving relationship between Christ and His beloved Church.
About the Author
Dr. Chris Stravitsch is the Founder of Rejoice Counseling Apostolate and Co-founder of the St. John Paul II Foundation. He holds a Doctor of Ministry degree from The Catholic University of America, where he focused his research on the spiritual formation of couples and families.
