Some words are super tricky to pin down, even the ones we use all the time. If you try to define a simple word like “which” without looking it up, you might find yourself stumped. It’s way easier to use the word than to explain what it actually means.
A lot of words that Christians throw around when talking about their faith are like that too. We think we know what we mean, but coming up with a solid definition can be a real challenge. Take “worship,” for example. We get the different ways to worship, but nailing down a definition that covers everything is tough. And when it comes to how we should worship as Christians, understanding what worship really is becomes pretty important.
So, let’s dive into one of those tricky words: love. Love is a big deal in Christianity, and folks from all kinds of backgrounds agree on that. For those of us in the Wesleyan tradition, love is central to how we think about God and our spiritual growth. But what do we actually mean when we say “love”? I’ve always found this quote from Joseph T. Lienhard’s book interesting: “To say that the Bible is authoritative is to begin a discussion, not to end it.” The same goes for love: saying Christians are called to love just kicks off a bigger conversation.
Where do we start? It makes sense to suggest a definition and then break down why it matters. But here’s the catch: “love” gets used in all sorts of ways depending on the context. Loving a song or a sports team isn’t quite the same as loving a person or God. Still, there’s some common ground we can find. John Wesley emphasized loving God and our neighbors, based on Matthew 22. So, let’s focus on what love means in relation to God and other people, looking at both our love for them and God’s love for us.
I’d argue that love is about finding joy in someone and wanting what’s good for them. The phrase “wanting what’s good” means a bit different when we’re talking about God versus another person. But this simple definition helps us see what’s similar and what’s different in loving God and loving our neighbors. Plus, it helps clarify what we mean when we say we’re called to love.
When we check out John Wesley’s writings, we get some insight (though not a ton). He talked a lot about love, but when it came to defining it, he often focused on how we show love rather than what it actually is. For instance, in his sermon “On Love,” he starts off strong by asking what love really is. His answer mainly looks at how we express love for God: “To love God is to delight in Him, to rejoice in His will, to want to please Him, and to find happiness in Him.”
When Wesley talks about loving others, he adds an important point: “We’re not just told to love our neighbors as ourselves; we’re also meant to enjoy and delight in them, but in a way that helps us appreciate God more.” This last part highlights a key difference between loving God and loving others. If our love for someone distracts us from loving God, it’s not in the right order. But if our love for someone helps us appreciate God more, then we’re on the right track.
For Wesley, loving God means finding joy in Him and wanting to please Him. Loving others means acting in their best interest and finding joy in them in a way that brings us closer to God. By reflecting on how we love, we can get a clearer picture of what love really is. We can dig even deeper into the Christian tradition with medieval theologian Thomas Aquinas, who sheds light on love as it relates to both God’s love for us and our love for others.
Aquinas offers a clear piece of the love puzzle: “To love a person is to wish them well.” He got this idea from Aristotle, and it’s a solid definition. Loving someone means wanting what’s good for them and working toward that. Any parent knows this well—if your kid wants to eat only candy, you show love by making sure they eat their veggies because that’s what’s best for them.
This idea of love as wanting the best for someone applies to both our love for others and God’s love for us. And when it comes to God’s love, it’s perfect because God knows exactly what’s good for us. But what about our love for God? We’re definitely called to love God, but since God is already perfect, we can’t really will anything good for Him. So, there’s got to be more to our understanding of love.
Remember how Wesley said love involves delighting in the one we love? Aquinas had a similar take. He pointed out that we only desire or rejoice in something because it’s good. So, love isn’t just about wanting the best for someone; it’s also about finding joy in the good in them. Both of these ideas come together when we love someone—whether it’s a child, a friend, or a partner. We want what’s best for them and also celebrate the good things about them.
You can see both sides of this love in someone’s commitment to a person who’s struggling, like someone caught in a cycle of bad choices. A parent or friend sticks by them because they love them. That love isn’t just about wanting them to make better choices; it’s also about appreciating them as a person, often seeing good in them that others might miss. Augustine of Hippo, a theologian from the early fifth century, pointed out that every creature has some good in them, no matter how much sin has messed things up. It’s impossible for anything to be completely evil because evil is just the absence of good. So, even if someone is struggling, there’s still something good in them worth loving.
Now, what about our love for God? We can definitely find joy in the perfect goodness of God, but since God lacks nothing, we can’t will anything good for Him. This brings us back to the idea that love is about delighting in and moving toward the good in someone. When we’re talking about another person, “moving toward” means wanting and working for their good. But when it’s God, “moving toward” means drawing closer to the perfect goodness that God is. We find joy in God and get closer to His goodness. In that sense, loving God is also the best way to love ourselves because God is the source of all that’s truly good. But this isn’t about just trying to maximize our own happiness; it’s about genuinely delighting in who God is and being drawn to that beauty.
Hopefully, these thoughts show why figuring out what love really means is more than just an academic exercise. It’s super important for how we live out the command to love God and our neighbors. The key takeaway is this: true love is always connected to what’s good. It’s not just about enjoying something or moving toward something. That’s why we can talk about false loves, like an unhealthy obsession with money or fame. It’s also why people might think they love someone just because they enjoy being around them, but if that enjoyment is more about treating that person as an object rather than genuinely wanting what’s best for them, then it’s not real love. This sheds new light on 1 John 4:7-8: “Dear friends, let’s love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever doesn’t love doesn’t know God, for God is love.” To love is to find joy in and move toward the good in someone, and that joy, movement, and goodness all come from God and lead us back to Him.
