Monogamous or Non-Monogamous?
Sexual relationships are most effective when all parties involved have a clear understanding of their desires and expectations.
It is common for individuals to conflate love, commitment, and sexual intimacy, or to assume that these elements are inherently linked. There are numerous ways to express love, and engaging in sexual activity is not a prerequisite for demonstrating affection. Conversely, engaging in sexual relations does not necessarily imply that one is in love.
For sexual relationships to thrive, it is essential that all individuals communicate their intentions. Failing to articulate one’s desires may lead to misunderstandings and mismatched expectations; for instance, one partner may seek a casual encounter while the other desires a lifelong commitment.
Engaging in sexual activity within a committed relationship can foster feelings of closeness and affection. Similarly, sexual interactions in non-committed relationships can be enjoyable and enhance the bond of friendship. Regardless of whether the relationship is a brief encounter or a decades-long marriage, it is crucial that both partners feel liked, respected, and trusted, and that they reciprocate these sentiments.
When entering a new relationship, and throughout its duration—given that expectations may evolve over time—it is important to discuss the nature of the relationship. Consider the following questions:
- Committed or Non-Committed? Do you seek a commitment such as marriage, long-term dating, co-parenting, shared finances, or cohabitation, or do you prefer a less formal dating arrangement?
- Friendly or Romantic? Are you interested in a relationship grounded in friendship, or do you desire a romantic and emotionally intimate connection?
- Sexual or Non-Sexual? Do you anticipate wanting to engage in sexual activity with this individual? If so, are there specific sexual activities you wish to pursue or avoid?
- Monogamous or Non-Monogamous? Do you wish for your relationship to be exclusive, with both partners engaging only with each other, or are you open to the possibility of sexual relationships with others?
It is important to explore each of these questions independently, as all combinations of relationship structures are possible.
Common Relationship Structures
- Asexual or Non-Sexual: Asexual individuals typically do not experience sexual attraction and/or may choose to abstain from sexual activity. Those who identify as asexual may seek emotional connections, including long-term committed, loving, non-sexual partnerships. Others may experience sexual attraction but may not feel ready for sexual engagement, opting for complete or selective abstinence.
- Lifetime Mutual Monogamy: In this relationship structure, each individual has only one sexual partner throughout their lifetime, with both partners engaging exclusively with one another.
- Mutual Serial Monogamy: This is a prevalent relationship model among many adults. Individuals who are serially monogamous may have sexual relationships with multiple partners over their lifetime, but they maintain only one long-term sexual partnership at any given time, wherein both partners are monogamous.
- Mutual Fidelity: Similar to mutual monogamy, mutual fidelity may involve more than two individuals. Groups or families of three or more may engage in sexual relationships with one another while refraining from sexual activity with individuals outside the group.
- Sexually Non-Monogamous Relationships: These relationships encompass consensual non-monogamy, such as casual dating, swinging, polyamory, and open relationships, as well as non-consensual non-monogamy, commonly referred to as infidelity. There exists a diverse array of sexually non-monogamous relationship structures, wherein one or more members of a couple or group engage in sexual activity with others.
While it may initially appear that individuals in sexually non-monogamous relationships are at a heightened risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) compared to those in serially monogamous relationships, it is important to recognize that relationship structure is merely one of several risk factors for STIs. Other contributing factors include a high number of lifetime sexual partners, irregular STI testing and treatment, sharing needles for intravenous drug use, engaging in sexual activity with strangers or sex workers, and improper or inconsistent use of protective measures. A sexually non-monogamous individual who consistently and correctly utilizes protective barriers, such as condoms, may be at a lower risk for STIs than a serially monogamous individual who does not employ such measures or has a partner with an unknown STI status.
