Are you uncertain about the prospect of marriage? Below are some truths and misconceptions regarding this institution.
Few aspects of life evoke as much fear, curiosity, anticipation, and debate as marriage. A recent statistic shared by an educator from Alabama revealed that in a particular area of Birmingham, 93 percent of children express a desire to remain unmarried. This statistic is indeed striking.
While this sentiment may be prevalent in underprivileged communities, it resonates with many high school and college students. If you have grown up in a broken home, or in a household where your married parents exhibited little affection, you may not look forward to marriage with enthusiasm. Conversely, if you are enjoying a carefree youth and consider yourself a “kid” well into your 30s, your reluctance to embrace marriage may stem from entirely different reasons. Many young individuals have witnessed the pain associated with marriage, leading them to shy away from it. Others observe their favorite celebrities, athletes, or friends enjoying a vibrant single life and conclude that avoiding marriage might be preferable.
The Bible presents a contrasting perspective on marriage. Rather than diminishing or evading the institution, it celebrates it. At the very beginning of Scripture, we witness the first marriage ceremony: the union of Adam and Eve, as described in Genesis 2:18-25. This event is not characterized by somberness; rather, Adam exclaims in joy, “This at last is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!” (Genesis 2:23, emphasis added). Further along, in Matthew 19:3-6, Jesus affirms both the design and the goodness of marriage. In response to a question posed by the Pharisees regarding divorce, Jesus reiterates God’s intention for the union of men and women:
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6, ESV).
Jesus clearly endorses the original model of matrimony, which is defined as the union of one man and one woman. He desires for marriages to endure, flourish, and be filled with goodness. The covenantal union of a man and a woman is a matter of celebration, dignity, and glory to God. It is God’s wise and benevolent design that established this earthly covenant, and it is through His power and grace that it is sustained.
What Is Marriage Really Like?
You may be reading this and thinking, “That is all well and good, but I have not observed a healthy marriage, and I am uncertain about the idea of getting married.” Perhaps you seek a more grounded perspective on what marriage entails, desiring clarity on your fears and the dispelling of common myths.
Rest assured, I am here to address your concerns and dispel misconceptions.
My intention is serious, and I will outline several truths and misconceptions about marriage. It is my hope that this will provide you with a realistic, biblically grounded understanding of what marriage can be and what God intends it to accomplish.
- Marriage is Good, Not Bad.
If you are called to marriage—recognizing that not every Christian is—understand that it is a divine gift to humanity. Contemporary culture often portrays marriage as tedious, soul-crushing, fraught with conflict, and generally unfulfilling. The reality is quite the opposite.
When the Lord unites a man and a woman, instilling love between them and inspiring them to covenant together until death or Christ’s return, we witness something profound and transcendent. Marriage is a remarkable institution that engages the entirety of one’s being. Michael Mason aptly titled his renowned book The Mystery of Marriage for a reason. The most mysterious aspect of it all? Every marriage—regardless of whether it is consciously aimed at glorifying God—mirrors the greater covenant between Christ, the redeemer-husband, and the church, His redeemed but flawed bride. Any institution imbued with such cosmic, Gospel-centered significance must be inherently good.
- Marriage is Full of Romance, but It is Not an Unending Romance-Fest.
If you have indulged in numerous romantic comedies, you may harbor the impression that couples effortlessly navigate life together, holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes for extended periods, standing on picturesque hills with desire fueling every heartbeat. While there are indeed seasons of joyful romance—part of God’s good design—life is not a continuous romantic comedy.
Sin is a reality. Work can be demanding. Children require time and energy. Illnesses may arise. Parents age. One spouse may feel particularly romantic on certain evenings, while the other may simply wish to rest after a long day. Interest in intimacy and emotional connection can vary among couples. Generally, men may exhibit a higher sex drive, although this can differ in some marriages; conversely, women may seek greater emotional intimacy and conversation, though this too can vary. Ultimately, marriage does not guarantee perpetual pleasure or romance-driven fulfillment. One must remember that marriage involves two imperfect individuals, and adulthood necessitates maturity and selflessness.
God bestows upon married couples many wonderful moments of togetherness and romance. However, it is essential to recognize that these gifts are received not as perfect beings, but as redeemed sinners. Experiencing the goodness of God’s gifts is delightful; acknowledging the challenges of life in a fallen world is equally important.
- Marriage Brings Fulfillment, but Not Ultimate Fulfillment.
What I have articulated thus far leads to a crucial realization: Marriage is a wonderful gift for those whom God has called to it. This assertion requires no qualification and stands in stark contrast to the modern world’s often negative portrayal of matrimony.
If God intends for you to marry, and you possess a strong desire for a spouse for spiritual, emotional, and physical reasons, it is entirely appropriate to pray for marriage. There is no need to feel guilty or unspiritual about this desire. You need not feign indifference in the presence of friends; rather, you can embrace and even yearn for it. This desire is part of how the Lord guides us into covenant relationships, with godly men taking the initiative to pursue godly women. Upon entering marriage, you will experience happiness, satisfaction, joy, stability, and many other blessings.
However, it is crucial to understand that you will not find ultimate fulfillment in marriage. As you pray for a spouse, remind yourself that no future husband or wife will be sinless. God alone fulfills our deepest needs. Christ alone is our sufficiency. The Holy Spirit alone provides comfort. While gaining a spouse will undoubtedly bring great blessings, it will not provide ultimate fulfillment, either initially or throughout the course of your marriage. It is essential to avoid both the temptation to denigrate and the inclination to idealize marriage. We were not ultimately created for this life, and our hearts were not designed to find fulfillment in a spouse. Only God can meet our ultimate needs. Only our Savior and Redeemer can cleanse, renew, and fill us with eternal joy.
Recognizing that our spouse can be both a source of joy and, at times, conflict (due to our own sin or theirs) allows us to approach them with realism. A practical application of this realism is the necessity for prompt forgiveness and effective communication when grievances arise. Failing to do so may lead to a cycle of increasingly bitter and desperate conflicts. Godly couples take sin seriously; thus, godly husbands should initiate regular opportunities for open communication that encourage honesty and foster forgiveness. It is through confession and restoration, rather than the illusion of perfection, that we discover renewed joy and fulfillment through Christ.
- Marriage Involves an Intentional Relationship, and Marital Happiness Does Not Occur by Accident.
Contrary to the portrayals in movies, television, and the exuberance of newlyweds, marriage is not a state of being that one enters into effortlessly. Upon marrying, one does not float above the ground; rather, one’s feet remain firmly planted, and the laws of gravity apply. In essence, one cannot simply coast through marriage. It requires heartfelt and dedicated effort. Husbands must intentionally and self-sacrificially love their wives as Christ loves the church. Wives must intentionally and self-sacrificially submit to their husbands and joyfully support them.
This level of commitment necessitates a daily denial of self. One cannot navigate life carelessly, neglecting one’s spiritual well-being and failing to confront inherent selfishness, while expecting that upon returning home, one’s spouse will effortlessly meet all needs. Instead—especially as life becomes busier and children enter the picture—planning is essential to ensure that both partners remain aligned, strategizing to carve out time for one another, discussing financial needs and goals, establishing family routines for meals and devotions, and preparing for Sunday worship in a manner that honors the Lord.
There is no effortless marriage. Regardless of how it may appear to outsiders, every marriage demands continual effort and investment. If your marriage—whether present or future—is to thrive, it requires your full commitment. If you have been misled by Hollywood or romance novels, it is time to return to reality and embrace God’s grace in your life and your shared journey.
So, What Is Marriage Really Like?
In summary, marriage is a joyous and precious gift. I awaken each day with gratitude for the blessing of marriage and for the wonderful wife I cherish. However, that initial moment of thankfulness must also serve as a reminder of the work that lies ahead. I must not succumb to the notion that marriage is an effortless series of idyllic moments. Rather, I must resolve, from the moment my feet touch the floor, to dedicate myself fully to my wife.
In truth, marriage is a battleground. A husband and wife unite in their struggle against sin and the adversary, refusing to allow either to rob them of the joy that God intends for married couples. They must avoid both living in an idealized fantasy and misplacing their frustrations onto one another. As Christian husbands and wives, we are not characters in romantic comedies, nor are we tragic figures. We are redeemed sinners transformed by grace, free to embrace the beauty of marriage, knowing that our earthly union serves as a preparation for our eternal one.
