For a newly engaged couple, the process of learning Natural Family Planning (NFP) can be both informative and engaging, occasionally accompanied by a degree of embarrassment, yet consistently enlightening. However, the experience of living NFP presents a distinct narrative—one characterized by unique and fulfilling connections. It entails the application of knowledge to the realities of everyday married life.
At the outset of our marriage, we utilized NFP to postpone pregnancy, as the timing was not conducive. Currently, we are employing NFP to achieve pregnancy. We have been pleased to discover that the dual focus of NFP has enhanced both the intimacy and direction of our young marriage.
In contrast to contraception, which often places the entire responsibility of family planning on the woman, NFP fosters a shared responsibility for fertility between both partners. This approach cultivates a spirit of unity within the marriage. There is no inquiry of, “Have you taken your pill?” or “Are you safe?” In our relationship, we do not withhold that precious aspect of ourselves—our fertility. Rather than viewing it as a burden, we perceive it as a blessing that deserves understanding and respect. The act of complete self-giving conveys the message, “I love all of you.”
The advantages of NFP extend beyond mere family planning. We have heard that husbands often develop a deeper respect for their wives and the gift of their fertility, and we have found this to be true in practice. A continuous awareness of cycles and phases facilitates a greater sensitivity to when to be loving and gentle, patient and thoughtful, and when to engage in physical intimacy.
Unlike couples who utilize contraception, those practicing NFP do not always have the option of sexual intimacy. This limitation, contrary to popular belief, is beneficial. The periods of abstinence render the moments of intimacy more poignant and cherished. Even when the desire for intimacy is present, and the chart indicates otherwise, it introduces an element of bittersweet anticipation.
Consider the alternative: when a woman is on the pill or using another form of chemical contraception, she is perpetually available for sexual engagement. This absence of waiting or longing may seem appealing initially, but over time, the spontaneity and passion can diminish due to the frequency of intimacy. In many cases, sexual intimacy may evolve from a mutual experience to a more obligatory one, resulting in diminished satisfaction for one or both partners.
The practice of periodic abstinence in our marriage has fostered broader channels of communication between us. Like many young couples, we both maintain employment, and our lives are filled with commuting, daily exercise, bill payments, meal preparation, and various external commitments. While these activities are essential for a healthy lifestyle, they can also be exhausting. Tired couples often find it challenging to engage in meaningful conversation in the evenings, preferring instead to relax.
However, because NFP is integral to our family planning, we are compelled to discuss personal and intimate topics regarding our fertility that many couples may never address. These discussions serve as catalysts for deeper conversations and more personal dialogue. Over time, we have noticed that open and intimate communication has become increasingly natural, a development we attribute in part to our practice of NFP. We have found that topics such as budgeting, work, saving for a home, and holiday plans become significantly easier to discuss after having navigated conversations about fertility signs with composure.
Indeed, NFP can present challenges and require sacrifices at times, and we do not claim that it is always easy. However, this aspect is intrinsic to true love—a willingness to make sacrifices for the beloved. We derive a noble joy from self-sacrifice for one another, even in such a private manner as postponing intimacy until the appropriate time. This selflessness is a fundamental element of love, fostering respect for each other and for ourselves. We have also discovered that maintaining a sense of humor during periods of abstinence can be beneficial. When the signs of fertility become evident, we often jokingly remark, “OK, see you in a few days.”
Some individuals express that they could never adhere to NFP due to the inability to engage in intercourse during desired times. However, we have found that these periods of abstinence provide us with opportunities to simply enjoy each other’s company—whether through conversation, playing tennis, sharing jokes, or dining out. They serve as a reminder that we are much more than mere physical beings seeking to satisfy desires.
We are both grateful to have learned and embraced NFP. We recognize that it enriches our marriage in our daily lives and in ways we may not fully appreciate until much later. The knowledge that we are building a strong foundation of love, mutual respect, and faith instills confidence in our future. We are best friends who care deeply for one another and aspire to the best for ourselves and our marriage.