In their work, “Catholic and Newly Married,” Kathy and Steve Beirne encourage couples to embrace the opportunity to make intimacy and fidelity the defining characteristics of their marriage. This opportunity is intrinsically linked to a challenge that many couples encounter in the early stages of marriage: the endeavor to cultivate an intimate and faithful relationship amidst the obstacles presented by a consumer-oriented culture.
The Beirnes draw upon their extensive experience in Catholic marriage education and ministry to inform their insights. They also serve as editors and publishers of the “Foundations Newsletter for Married Couples,” which is aimed at newly married individuals.
The essence of this book revolves around the interplay of challenges and opportunities. It delineates five specific challenges that couples are likely to face as they embark on their marital journey, while simultaneously illustrating the opportunities that arise from each challenge.
Consequently, each challenge, despite its inherent difficulties, is framed in a positive context, as it presents couples with the potential for personal and relational growth.
One significant challenge for newlyweds is the necessity of learning to “speak the same language,” despite their differing personalities and the propensity for misunderstandings. This challenge provides an opportunity for couples to enhance their communication skills, ensuring that their conversations—especially on sensitive topics—are infused with kindness, respect, attentiveness, love, affirmation, and gratitude.
The Beirnes advise readers that regardless of their current communication proficiency—ranging from poor to excellent—there is always room for improvement.
Another common challenge involves navigating relationships with in-laws, which can often be stressful. However, this challenge also presents couples with the opportunity to recognize that their in-laws may evolve into valuable sources of support and understanding over time. Through their in-laws, couples often gain insights into their family history and the influences that have shaped their identities.
Additionally, the challenge of addressing religious differences offers the opportunity to cultivate a shared spiritual life within the marriage. The Beirnes assert that for many couples, this challenge provides the chance to “see God’s love and experience God’s forgiveness through their spouse.”
“Catholic and Newly Married” emphasizes that marriage presents numerous opportunities that may be unavailable elsewhere. For instance, spouses have the unique opportunity to gain deeper self-awareness, as marriage allows for feedback from a partner who genuinely has their best interests at heart.
Moreover, marriage offers the opportunity to confide in another person, secure in the knowledge that one will be accepted as they are. This acceptance is not indicative of naivety; rather, it reflects a spouse’s understanding of their partner’s flaws, viewed through a lens of love.
The Beirnes provide a candid examination of the challenges newly married couples face in reconciling differing approaches to financial management. They caution that neglecting financial issues can lead to significant difficulties, underscoring the importance of establishing clarity regarding financial goals to mitigate impulsive spending.
What stands out prominently in this book is its exploration of the challenge of intimacy. The authors emphasize that “closeness” and “intimacy” are not synonymous; it is entirely possible to maintain close relationships without achieving true intimacy. Genuine intimacy requires openness, vulnerability, and a willingness to take risks. The authors note that the potential for emotional pain is significant, as rejection by a spouse can lead to profound hurt.
The Beirnes recount a poignant story shared by a mother regarding her son and his wife, who were divorcing. She observed that they never truly became a couple, as they maintained separate friendships and individual pursuits without forming a cohesive unit.
The Beirnes’ guidance to newly married couples is unequivocal: strive to avoid becoming that couple.
One valuable opportunity associated with the challenge of intimacy is the development of empathy—the capacity to share in a partner’s joys and sorrows and to deeply understand the meaning and purpose of their life. The authors assert that marriage provides a remarkable opportunity for spouses to cultivate empathy for one another.
About the Reviewer
David Gibson is a long-time, now retired, member of the Catholic News Service staff.
Disclaimer: Book reviews do not imply and are not to be used as official endorsements by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) of the work or those associated with it. These reviews are intended solely as a resource for visitors to For Your Marriage who may be interested in relevant publications.