The first five years of marriage can be a wild ride! Couples get to experience all sorts of exciting “firsts” together—like their first Christmas as a married couple, hosting the in-laws for dinner, or even filing their first joint tax return. But let’s be real: those early years can also be a bit of a rollercoaster, requiring some major adjustments that can put a strain on the relationship.
Did you know that most divorces happen within the first five years of marriage? In fact, year three is when things tend to get really rocky. So, what’s going on?
Sometimes, it’s just a bad match. Couples who jumped into marriage with stars in their eyes might start to see their partner’s not-so-great side once the honeymoon phase wears off. They might realize they married someone who hogs the remote, chats too much in the morning, or, even worse, doesn’t share their core values. They think marriage won’t change anything, and before they know it, they’re calling it quits.
Other times, the stress of early marriage can be overwhelming. Younger couples, in particular, might not have the emotional maturity or communication skills to handle all the new challenges that come their way. Sticking it out and learning how to negotiate can help, but it takes some patience and growth.
If you’re feeling the pressure, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Remember, most of the early bumps in the road are totally normal. Beyond the little annoyances like leaving the cap off the toothpaste or the toilet seat debate, what are the big issues you need to tackle together?
According to research from Creighton University, the top three challenges for couples in those first five years are time, sex, and money:
A. Time
You’d think merging your lives would make things easier, but newlyweds often find themselves juggling their schedules along with work, school, and family commitments. It can feel like you’re running in circles! And when that first baby arrives, everything changes again.
Many newlyweds struggle to find a balance between work and family life. Since work is what pays the bills, it can easily become the top priority. But if you’re not careful, your job can take over and leave little time for your partner. You might need to set some boundaries on work hours and make time for each other, even if it means cutting back on personal hobbies or workouts. Sometimes, it might even be worth considering a job change or finding ways to work out together.
B. Sex
You’d think sex would be the fun part of marriage, right? But many couples find that their sexual relationship can be a source of stress, especially when it comes to frequency and quality. Making time and having the energy to focus on intimacy is key—see the “Time” section above for more on that!
C. Money
Most newlyweds are just starting to figure out their finances, and blending different attitudes about money can be tricky. Plus, many couples bring debt into the marriage, which can add to the stress.
Another big issue is figuring out who’s in charge of the finances. Couples often say they’ll share everything, but then one partner might feel uneasy about how the other spends money, while the other gets frustrated with their partner’s saving habits.
Other common issues include parenting, religious differences, and how to handle conflicts. Sometimes, the things that should bring you closer—like having kids or sharing faith—can actually create tension. Since these topics are so important, they can either strengthen your bond or drive a wedge between you.
When a baby comes along, it’s a mix of joy and stress. New parents often feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and the loss of personal space. Parenting is tough, and when you’re both tired, it’s easy to get snappy with each other, just like the kids!
Shared faith can be a great way to connect, but it also means you need to talk about your different views on spirituality. Some people might shy away from these conversations due to past experiences or fears. Good communication, compromise, and an open mind can help you navigate these discussions.
So, what can you do when you’re feeling the pressure of newlywed life?
- Hang out with other newlyweds. You’ll realize you’re not alone in this.
- Keep dating. Make quality time a priority.
- Talk to other couples who’ve been there. They can help you figure out what’s normal and share their own stories. Many Catholic parishes even have mentor couples for newlyweds—check it out!
- Look for marriage education resources. Books, videos, and programs can be super helpful.
- Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if things start to feel too heavy.
Resources:
- Charis Ministries: They offer retreats for couples in their first five years of marriage, focusing on how to keep Christ at the center of your relationship.
- Ministry to the Newly Married: A mentoring program that helps newlyweds build their relationship skills and understand each other better.
- “Time, Sex and Money”: A study from Creighton University that dives into these key issues.