So, a psychologist pointed out that some guys, instead of being supportive, just brush things off with a “That’s nonsense” and head to another room.
A lot of people in relationships where they feel belittled or humiliated don’t even realize it’s happening. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but recognizing this is the first step to moving on.
When someone is in love, they often come up with the wildest excuses for their partner’s behavior. The crazy part is that the person being put down spends tons of energy trying to justify why they’re treated that way. Meanwhile, not many people focus on learning to stand up for themselves.
What’s Devaluation and Where Does It Come From?
Devaluation is basically a defense mechanism where someone’s words or actions make you feel less about your emotions, values, talents, and achievements.
This means that the person doing the devaluing isn’t really in touch with reality, which is full of all kinds of feelings and reactions.
Whenever someone who tends to devalue faces a tough situation, they just downplay it. Why? To avoid feeling emotions they’re not comfortable with. It’s their way of keeping things easy and not getting emotionally involved.
Example #1
Imagine a woman is upset and starts crying over something she sees as a loss. Her partner, not knowing how to help, just says, “You’re crying over something silly,” and walks away.
What’s going on here? The guy probably struggles with emotional intelligence. Instead of showing support, he throws out a cliché and leaves. If he actually faced his feelings, he’d have to be vulnerable, which freaks him out. So, he bails, leaving her to deal with her feelings alone.
Example #2
Here’s another scenario: a woman is really into learning and studying, but her partner is skeptical. He often says things like, “What’s the point of all that?” or “Don’t you have better things to do?”
What’s happening here? It’s the same old story of devaluing someone’s interests. He’s probably scared that if she keeps growing, she might outgrow him and leave. So, to avoid that, he keeps putting down her desire to learn.
What Does Humiliation Look Like?
Humiliation is a form of psychological abuse that can really mess with someone’s self-esteem.
Example #1
Picture this: during a chat, she starts talking about how awesome her friend’s boyfriend is for getting her a new car. How do you think her guy feels when he realizes he’s being compared and comes up short?
Example #2
Some guys intentionally humiliate their partners, tearing down their self-esteem by calling them names or criticizing their looks. They do this out of fear of losing them.
In a healthy relationship, a guy would openly express how much his partner means to him. But that’s not what’s happening here.
What to Do About It
If you notice that your partner often communicates through devaluation or humiliation, it’s time to take a look at your boundaries.
Boundaries are basically how you tell someone what’s okay and what’s not. They’re your personal guidelines.
Once you realize your partner isn’t treating you right, it’s crucial to speak up. Don’t sugarcoat it. Be straightforward:
“Your words hurt me,” or “I don’t want to be talked to like that. It’s not cool.”
Then, pay attention to how they respond. If they care about you, they’ll apologize and try to change the way they talk to you. But if they brush it off and keep treating you poorly, it’s time to ask yourself:
“Why am I sticking around in a relationship where I don’t feel valued?”