To overcome the uncomfortable sexual feelings that often arise, you may need to rethink your desires, your marriage, your fidelity, and more. But in fact, according to British philosopher Alain de Botton, “its complexity is almost rocket science.”
As powerful as it is, it often runs counter to many things we hold dear
. Sexuality inherently causes problems within us. We want to have sex with people we don’t know or like. It makes us want to do things that seem unfair or immoral, like hitting someone or committing to someone. We are surprised when we propose to someone we love for the sex we really want. It seems a bit strange to me that we think we have nothing to do with sexuality. In this area, we are often deeply passionate about what makes us unique. Sex, despite being one of the most private activities, is surrounded by powerful social structures that govern the way people view and interact with each other. But the truth is that most of us are not gender neutral. Almost all of us struggle with feelings of guilt and neurasthenia, phobias and destructive desires, apathy and disgust. We are all different around the world, but only in some variations of the same pattern. The idea that we live in a free age exacerbates a widespread malaise: the idea that sex should now be easy and carefree, a bit like playing tennis, and that everyone should do it as much as possible to cope with stress.
Daily life. three.
The seemingly careless things they do can hurt and embarrass us—hence the strange power of dreams to inspire life and change priorities. The erotic connotations of nursing clothes, for example, arise from the contrast between emotional control and sexual vulnerability, which can be temporary (even if only a dream). Is it really so destructive to say, “It’s too late, honey”?
Logic might suggest that marriage or a long-term relationship would eliminate the stress that would prevent one person from persuading the other to have sex. But while both would ensure that sex is a permanent theoretical option, it is neither legal nor easily accessible. Furthermore, in the context of potential permanent residence, refusing to have sex may be considered a more serious crime than in other contexts.
Similar impasses exist in other contexts.
It is not surprising or upsetting to be rejected by someone you meet at a bar. It is much more awkward and embarrassing to be sexually rejected by someone you have brought into your life. They were embarrassed or felt rejected by their partner. The real problem with powerlessness is that it damages both of our self-esteem. The power of the weak is a strange and problematic product of our desire to think about the rights of others in the freedom of animals, and our desire to think about their irrational or unsatisfactory ideas, and then identify our opposition with their irrational or unsatisfactory ideas.
The body is dirty, and how unpleasant it is to be touched.
Ironically, our high capacity for love and affection makes us more likely to persuade others to have sex with us, even if we sometimes encounter people who do not reciprocate. Desire is sexually urgent and powerful, and they believe that there is nothing dirty about even the most vulgar display. Sex, in a positive sense, honors the power to make us sexual. Only religion sees it as dangerous and something to be protected. Perhaps only after spending a lot of time on youporn.com do we realize that religion is right about this: sex and sexual imagery can influence our more conscious desires. Religion is often criticized as arrogance, but if they didn’t understand that sex can be very good, they wouldn’t think it’s so bad.